seabear and the sun

I love the way the sun comes through my window. A lot of things are going to change in October, I am readying myself. And trying not to over-worry myself. Life has been very simple and solitary lately. I have been staying home and reading mostly. This summer has not been at all like I expected it to be. I think all of you should check out Seabear. Their Pandora station has been the soundtrack to my summer. Nothing really happens to me, so I don't have anything exciting or deep or meaningful to express here. But here are some pictures I enjoy!

blessed and a poem

I don't know why but I felt like writing a blog. I am pretty much bed ridden right now with cramps and a messed up leg. I popped my knew out of place by misplacing my weight, I guess? Whatever happened, it hurt, a lot. It is getting easier to walk on but I still prefer not to, because if I move my leg the wrong way and my weight is put in the wrong way, it hurts a lot! My knee is still swollen too! But last night was still magical! I am currently reading H.P. Lovecraft, if anyone has read him as well, let's talk about it! He is hard to read but still fascinating! I am also rereading the Harry Potter series! Also, I wanted to mention all the ways I have been blessed lately, and it's all in the context of time. It's hard to explain, but Time just keeps working out for me. So that even though at this moment my knee hurts and my muscles ache and it's hard to eat and my body is shaky and old sweaty, I know that it's just a matter of time before I am well again! And even this helps me to appreciate my body!
Remember when I used to write poetry? It's been really hard as of late, I rarely even have the inkling or desire. But I did write something the other day, I rather like. Here it is:
"feet pushing pavement
in the only way i know best
with alcohol pushing the blood through
there’s a whole universe, surfing through my veins
maybe i should let it out, maybe i should
little lights whisper sweet nothings,
nothing
the wind brings me nothing when it comes to brush my summer skin
no sudden revelations, or lovers in disguise
tread easy, light up, no hands on the wheel
who’s to steer, who’s still awake here?
who all can you hear, calling into the dark
trying to reach you, trying to reach you
but you keep bending the fabrics of reality
and your destruction is all that’s left
up on display, for everyone to see
so turn it down, keep it low
we’ve got miles left to go
but we’ll never get there if you keep holding your breath.
just frickin breathe already."

hair!

I remember when this blog community was hoppin! But alas, it has died down in the past year! At least Emily is still going strong! I want to try and get everyone back into it! Because it's fun to blog!
I did make a separate blog for my renegade artness, but I haven't DONE any renegading. And I also have no idea what the log in is anymore. But anywho! I wanted to share my new obsession with you guys! If you hang out with me in real life, then you already know, I really want an afro!
Sounds a little craycray, right?! Cause I'm white....I know! But it's hard not to dream when I see pictures like these:





They look so fun! I am taking biotin so my hair will grooooow! I am hoping by the end of the month my hair will be long enough! Will I look ridiculous with an afro? Most definitely. I doubt I can pull it off. But you never know until you try and I'm young so why not?!

i would buy myself a grey quitar and play

I am listening to Counting Crows right now.
I will alwayssss love them!
I never really have an urge to listen to them all the time, and can go months without listening to them.
But it always seems that they re-enter my life exactly when I need them most.
I will never forget the first time I really heard them.
In acting class, when my first HUGE crush lip synced "Mr. Jones" for music day.
Ah.
And that was what, 7 years ago?
Wheeeeeew. Craziness.
It's really, really odd to think about how far I have come in life. The insane ups and downs that only I know of, the drama with friends, the ones that left and the amazing ones that had hearts big enough to love me no matter what, the hearts I've broken, the heartbreak I've been through, the self-searching, my reliance on others, my years of feeling lost, numb, extremely confused. I hate how complex I am, how I never seem to know what I want, that I don't get things right away, that I don't have things all figured out...actually no. Scratch that.
I really, really love who I am. I am very confused and have exceptionally little figured out, but I am very happy. Probably more happy than a lot of people that have so much figured out. Not all who wander are lost. I definitely don't feel lost anymore. I don't feel like I am living in the shadow of others, I feel like a real and actual person. And maybe not one other soul around me will notice me, or my worth, but for some reason, I know it doesn't matter. I just know that I feel such passion for life, for existing, for love, that nothing and no one can damper it. And everyday, I struggle to see the light and not feel numb, everyday it's a battle. And it's not always easy. But at least I have the ability to fight. And that in itself is a beautiful thing.
Anyways, not a whole lot is going on with me lately, working and hanging out with friends, nothing too out of the ordinary. I am pretty content with being pretty boring, actually. I am preferring the quiet in life right now.
I usually include pictures but I am feeling kinda lazy tonight. Soooo sorry, maybe in the next post.....two months from now? Haha!

costume rant

So, my brother and I went to the Halloween store in the mall to look at costumes. about 80% of all the costumes were women costumes. And 95% of those were extremely revealing .The ones that were not, were plus size or creepy old lady ghost mummies.
I was vastly disappointed in the selection. Then we went to Wal-Mart, where I saw a Princess Peach costume in the girl's section. I then saw a Mario costume in the men's section and thought "Then SURELY they have a Peach costume in the women's section!" But alas, they did not.
I can not be Princess Peach or a modest forest fairy or even a modest NUN!
But as a woman, I do have the plentiful options of being: a revealing cheerleader, a revealing nun, a revealing fairy, a revealing pirate, a revealing nurse, a revealing  clown, a revealing native american, a revealing witch, and a revealing Hogwarts student. 
For crying out loud! I am a 22 year old with a normal [non-porn star] body that wants to go to Halloween parties [not strip clubs] and hang out with my friends [not film pornos in the back of vans!]
I would still like to be able to buy a fun costume and not wear a trash bag and sweatpants and go as a hobo.
Guys get awesome costumes! Darth Vader, Indiana Jones, Ninja!
But someone, somewhere thought "Let's only make revealing women's costumes! Because what woman doesn't want to be freezing on Halloween night!"
ME!
It's just extremely frustrating.
These two sites had some scary stuff to share about the sexism of Halloween costumes.
http://stilettorevolt.com/2009/10/go-sexy-go-home/
and
http://appetiteforequalrights.blogspot.com/2008/08/sexism-of-halloween-costumes.html

Here are some pictures from one site, comparing men costumes to women costumes:



It's absolute insanity! And pretty sickening!
I'm just a regular girl who wants the option of buying a non-revealing costume.
And I think it is beyond ridiculous that such an option doesn't really exist.
Infuriating, actually.

when i die

With my grandpa dying and everyone wanting to do things their way, I decided I would say a few things I definitely want and hope my loved ones will respect when I die. I don't plan on dying until I am at least 98, so these won't be necessary for a looong time. But I can't help but think about them.
I think it would neat to have a slide show or something with "Into the West" by Annie Lennox playing. Sounds a little weird, right? Here are the lyrics:

"Lay down, your sweet and weary head.
Night is falling.
You have come to journey’s end.
Sleep now, and dream
of the ones who came before.
They are calling,
from across a distant shore.

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see.
All of your fears will pass away.
Safe in my arms, you’re only sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
All souls pass.

Hope fades,
Into the world of night.
Through shadows falling,
Out of memory and time.

Don’t say,
We have come now to the end.
White shores are calling.
You and I will meet again.
And you’ll be here in my arms,
Just sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.
And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
Grey ships pass
Into the West."

I feel like everything I would want to say to my loved ones after I die is in this song; that I am being carried home, that they should not weep, that one day we will meet again. And it is just this beautiful, haunting song.
And then I would want Jill to say some things about me.
And I want everyone to be given wands. And after the speech, I want everyone to lift them up in the air, like they did for Dumbledore.
Then I want glow sticks thrown about and a dance party to ensue because I am in HEAVEN!
I am not joking. This is for real.
And I want to be cremated and my ashes to be buried/thrown somewhere I love, my favorite place, which I don't think I know what that is yet. So let's just say the ocean for now.
But I still want a tombstone, in Norman. That says something really neat, like "now i settle in to watch the universe flow by." or maybe something a bit more off, a Dumbledore quote, or maybe Lil Wayne. Who knows. Something kind of quirky, you know? Like "Robyn Lynn Mitchell: beloved daughter, friend, and cabbage." or something more profound like "Stand Unafraid". So, obviously, that part needs some finalizing.
Anyways, this may have been a downer. Hope not. Heaven awaits.

listening to emery on a sunday night

I am 22. I see life as a playground, an art piece, an incredible, miraculous chance to create beautiful things. I love red hair. I love swimming. The ocean calls my spirit. It might be my spirit. I think God reaches me through the clouds. He shows himself so clearly in them. I love thunderstorms. I love lightening. I love good music and singing at the top of my lungs. I like the ukulele. I like turtle, foxes, wolves, and owls. I have dreams about alternate realities and future Utopian societies. I get bored with my hair about every month and change it often. Material wise, I think less is best. But I still buy so much jewelry. Apple's hold over America's hearts and souls really annoys me. I love writing poems. I feel like it is more like the universe saying something through me and less like me saying something to the universe. I like Zen. It helps connect to creation, the universe, the Creator, and all existence. I'm still looking for my place in the world. I don't mind the journey. I like massage therapy. I like smelling like sunflower oil all the time. I like going to shows. I feel at peace at shows, it's a place my spirit feels at home. I love being nerdy. I love Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, anime, ect. I love Asian culture, especially Japanese. I love dreads and tattoos. I love watercolors. I love my friends, my true friends, that are more a part of my spirit than anything else. I love people that inspire me. I like the 30s, hippies, steampunk, mythical beings and faeries. I like musicals. I like contradictions. I like chaos. I like feeling infinitely small in the universe, yet a part of the universe, which is infinitely everything. I am an ever changing current, flowing through existence. And I love being.