It's okay to miss out.

There's a lot of stuff in the world. 

There are a lot of shows, and a lot of events, and a lot of friends that want you to do things. 

There are a lot of plans that can be made. 

But more than anything, there is a lot to miss out on.

And it can feel bad. 

It can feel like you don't know as much as others, like you are living under a rock, like others are living a better life than you. 

When we don't watch the shows or movies that others do, when we don't go to the events that our friends do, when we don't learn the cool skill that someone else knows, we can feel inferior and not enough. 

We feel out of the loop. 

But what I am learning to do lately is to breathe. And then to let those insecurities go. 

I am enough, my activities are enough, my pursuits are enough. 

I would not be a better me if I saw every episode of Game of Thrones. 

I would not be a better me if I went to a concert or party. 

I'm not saying you should hole up and never experience things.

I'm just saying that it's okay to have priorities and for those priorities to be different from everyone else's. 

And it's okay to let some things slip by. 

We can't be on top of everything all the time. 

But we can focus our time and energy on things that bring us joy and growth. 

Right now, all I can think about is embroidery, poetry, and making things for my etsy shop. 

And that's okay. 

Those things make me really happy. 

And sometimes I don't feel like catching up on even my favorite shows.

Sometimes I have to cancel plans with much loved friends because I have a limited supply of energy and I really just want to make art and read poetry. 

Sometimes I am out of the loop and don't know the latest gossip or news. 

But I am growing, I am creating, I am experiencing what makes my spirit dance. 

There is a lot going on in the world. 

There is so much to experience. 

That's what makes living so amazing. 

You can do so much. 

You just have to learn to be okay with what you choose to have time and energy for.

Choose what makes you happy and what you are excited about in this moment, let the rest go.
That is okay. 
You are okay.

The Saving Grace of Mantras

Firstly, (and my favorite part of my posts, really) some recent journal pages! :) 

What I love about these pages is that they are all pretty different. I am trying new styles and exploring different methods. I am loving the results!

 The one above is supposed to be a self portrait, and while it doesn't look exactly like me, I am totally in love with it.

 

And now for the gritty life stuff!

 For the past month, we have been understaffed at my work. Thus, we have all been picking up the slack with extra work. My work is physical and the added work has been leaving me too drained for pretty much anything else. And after a month of this, I looked around and wonder where I was in my life. I don't want to be doing this job forever, I certainly shouldn't be burning myself out for it. I was dedicating all my energy into it and giving none to writing, to art, to finding blissful joy in my surroundings and being in the moment.

I was feeling helpless and hopeless, stretched too thin, run into the ground, living a daily life in a dull numb gray, indistinct, powerless, and lackluster.
I felt as if aspects of myself had been stolen, I felt pushed into a corner. I felt out of control of myself, my direction, and my own energy. 

I felt dulled down, a shadow of myself, muted.
And it was at a the bus station when I was thinking of all the things I didn't feel I was emulating any longer, due to pure exhaustion. 

And I found that the only way to keep from thinking of how cold I was, and how long I had before the bus came, I started walking back and forth and repeating mantras in my mind.

"I am empowered, I am radiant. I am warmth, I am truth." 

These were the things I felt had been lost to me, and I had to gently remind myself that I had them.

 I am still them, they had just been overshadowed by the struggles at work, the hard labor, the lack of sleep, the lack of time and energy for the things that make my spirit grow and dance.
 

"I am empowered" 

I have choices, my freedom still exist. I am not stranded in this situation. I can make changes, positive changes that will heal me and move me on a path toward energy and creativity. I do not have to be run down, to be exhausted, to be stressed. I can have a life filled with joy and vibrant energy. And I don't have to wait helplessly, hoping that this life will be delivered to me. I can make immediate steps in this direction. I have the power to determine my steps and my direction.
 

"I am radiant." 

I am not dulled down, I am not a shadow. I am a full, bursting over, spring of radiance. I am not muted. I am loud, weird, creative and vivacious. I am these things, they are my birthright, my natural state of being. I have creative energy and inspiration to bring into this world. I have light to shine in the darkness. My laugh is loud and my love is boundless, unending. I am not small, I am not quiet. I am bright and radiant. I may not always have the energy to be so outwardly loud and vibrant, but no matter what, my inner landscape is bright colors, magical creatures, fantastic dreams, and unending whimsy. And that is something that can never be taken away, dulled, or muted.

"I am warmth" 

Okay, I was mostly repeating this mantra because it was really cold outside! But it was still nice to think of myself as warmth on a freezing, icy day. I am not cold, I am not ice. I have so much love inside me. I have warmth and care and kindness for everyone in my live. I can get very reclusive and introverted. It can be very hard for me to open up and connect with people. But there is still warmth within me for those I hold dear, even if it does take some force for me to get it out to those that very much deserve it.  It is a nice reminder that I am not a robot, I am very human. I am living the grit, the chaos, the very real human experience. I am riding the waves of confusion, love, hope, fear, pain, joy and wonder. I am in it, breathing, experiencing, sharing.

"I am truth" 

It's easy to feel like I am a fake. I write about how to live an inspired, creative lifestyle. But lately, I have not been living it myself. I have been working my body into the ground at a physically and mentally exhausting job, leaving no energy or space to feel inspired, to feel joyful for the little things. It's a pretty disheartening place to find oneself in. But I still have my truths, my steadfast ideals on what life is truly all about and what I embody and stand for. Certainly I have pushed myself into a corner, draining myself. but my truths are still there, under my surface, waiting for me to call upon them, to bring them out into the world.

I have these mantras and I am these mantras. I am empowered, radiant, warmth, and truth. No one can take these things away from me but me. And once I realized where I had landed myself, I immediately starting taking steps on a path toward healing and energy, a path of joyful abundance and creativity. It will be a struggle. But having energy to live my truths and ideals is of the utmost importance and I have to fight for it with everything I do. 

And so from now on, my steps and actions will be dedicated to  putting myself in a place of energy to live ideally with my passions and goals.

I am empowered, radiant, warmth, and truth. 

And so are you.

Slowing Down

I having been doing Morrea Seal's "52 Lists Project", which I have found to be very inspiring. 

Here is my page for week two, "Things that comfort me":

 Once I got in the groove of it, they just kept coming out.  I love it when that happens! 

I have also been going through Diana Trout's book, "Journal Spilling". Which is a really great book so far! 

This page was done for the first chapter on trusting the process:

 And this one was for the section on not caring what the end product looks like. Which was a fun exercise!

 This one is just a regular art journal page, but it is a bit different from my usual style and I quite enjoy it!

Lately I have noticed a definite slowing down in my life. 

I have noticed that the hurried and stressed pace I was going about in life was not doing me any favors. 

And now, when I realize that I am walking fast and just focused on getting where I'm going, I slow down. I walk at a steady pace, I pay attention to the act of putting one foot in front of the other, I observe my surroundings. 

Also, last week, I was having some bad days and instead of forcing myself to make art when I just wasn't feeling it, I let myself lounge around and watch Community instead. I drank lots of water and read a lot and went to bed early. And giving myself permission to slow down and have off days felt extremely good. 

Slowing down feels good. 

Why are we in such a rush?

Why are we pushing ourselves and our bodies, stretching ourselves too thin, and still not giving ourselves a break?

When we are going somewhere, whether we rush or walk leisurely to get there, we still get there. 

We are not changing that. 

What we are changing is how we feel until we get to our destination. 

We are sacrificing the present moment, straining and stressing about getting somewhere in the future. 

And obviously, this does not simply apply to walking. Obviously it applies to every aspect of life, but I don't need to elaborate on that.

Right now, for me, it is showing up in my walking. 

I am slowing down, enjoying the feeling of my body in motion, enjoying my surroundings. 

It is a much softer and lighter way to get around and to experience the necessary life of commuting.

Where could you slow down in your life? Where do you deserve to let yourself have a break? 

 Travel lightly, go at a leisurely pace, and appreciate where you are.

Your body and mind will certainly thank you.

Creation/Destruction

The weather is slowly warming up here, which means more art by the creek!

Here are some little drawings I did recently: 

I really enjoy this one. 

I have just started reading "Journal Spilling" by Diana Trout. 

And in it, she uses the Picasso quote "Every act of creation is first an act of destruction."

Which really resounded with me. 

She uses it as an example of conquering the fear of the white page, or the empty canvas.

And I think it is a great way to look at those blank pages. 

We want to create art, but sometimes the blankness we start with can be very intimidating. 

So much can happen after we start marking on that page. We could screw up entirely, we could end up with something totally different from what we intended or wanted, or we could create something that resounds with us so much that we can't stop looking at it. 

And that is a scary place to be at, the crossroads, where it can go any direction. 

And oft times, it scares us into inactivity, into not making any marks at all. 

It is safer that way. 

So, in order to create, we have to destroy. 

We have to take that white page down a notch, because we are in control here. 

We have to look it square in the eye and know that we have the power to destroy it. 

And that we must destroy it in order to spread the colors and lines and beautiful art that we want to share with the world, that we need to express ourselves. 

And while this has very true applications to the artistic process, it also got me thinking of all the other times in life we must destroy in order to create.

 We need to destroy what is holding us back, in order to have room, or even energy, for the things that will bring us growth. 

We need to destroy toxic relationships, to rid ourselves of naysayers and people that put us down, so that we may have more time to spend with those that care for us, support us, and cheer us on.

We need to destroy our reliance on objects to fill up our lives, so that we have more time and money for meaningful experiences.

We must destroy societal expectations so that we can fully focus on our passions and dreams, the things that brings us joy. 

These are the things we need the time, energy and space to create. 

And to do this, we must first destroy the weeds of busy schedules, the American dream, nice houses, settling down, unfulfilling jobs, the weeds that entangle us and entrap us.

Look them straight in the eye and know that you have the power to destroy them. 

A Little's Enough

If you have been reading for awhile, then you know that my guiding word for 2014 is "Become".

And I really feel as if I am doing quite well at having a guiding word to keep me on my path.

This is my first year at doing this and I am pleasantly surprised at how much lighter it is than having resolutions. 

I just have to keep reminding myself that it's steps. 

  I do want to become an active poet, artist, healer, inspirational presence, traveler. 

But I don't have to be all of them right this second. 

I am not going to wake up and just be those things, out of nowhere. 

It's a process, a path. 

I am doing little things everyday to be active in my passions. 

I am painting even one layer in my art journal, or writing just the beginning of a poem, or spend even five minutes being mindful of my body and mind and surroundings; it's all waves flowing into the ocean of me becoming. 

And all of the little things I do add up, they are seeds I am planting now. 

And in the future, they all stack up to me becoming and being immersed in my passions.

There is an Angels and Airwaves song that says "a little's enough". And that is where I am at in my life right now. If I expect myself to just be a published writer and making money from art and a seasoned traveler all at once, out of nowhere, then I am just going to stress myself and exhaust myself. 

A little's enough. 

And when the seeds have grown and it is time to harvest, then it will be time to expend every energy and resource to reap my workings and have them come to fruition. But for now, I just plant the seeds and water them. Patience is key. You can not rush the seeds of your dreams and passions. Let them soak up the daily nutrients and they will go strong for you. 

I have many other things I wish to talk about but they all deserve their own blog posts. (Look forward to me talking about BEARS!) 

And here are two new art journal spreads! 

 I'm loving yellow for a pop of color lately. 

I hope your little acts are going well and that you remember that a little's enough! 

We Must Become

Hello folks! 

I hope your 2014 is going magically so far! 

I just wanted to write a quick bit about a connection I just made. 

My blog/whole artistic persona goes by the name of "How Strange, How Small". 

This is a reference to the mewithoutYou lyrics "How strange, how small we must become."

Which is a phrase I am very connected to and hold as a sort of life mantra. 

To me, in order to experience this life to its fullest, deepest and most wondrous, we must become strange. We must not be afraid to be odd, to get weird, to let the freak flag fly high. We must not grow complacent with being a comfortable follower, with being a sheep. We must live out loud, to manifest our lives as outward expressions of our inward revelations. 

And we must become small. We must learn to be humble, to still ourselves, to quiet our egos. We must recognize the vastness of this universe, of this human experience, and realize our part in it. We must put efforts to healing those around us, to becoming servants, to living the small things with great care and patience and wisdom.

And it just came to my mind how appropriate it is that  my word for 2014 is "Become", when it has been a part of namesake this whole time.

"We must become." 

We must become the person we are in our minds, in our spirits. 

Not because of resolutions, or societal expectations, or goals, or looking impressive on the internet. 

We must become because it is the only thing that makes this human experience worth it. 

We must become what makes us burn, what makes us passionate, what fills us with air, what causes us to float in the ocean of chaos. We must become the symphony within ourselves and spread it across everything our lives touch.

And speaking of words and how me may become them and manifest them outwardly in our lives, I am participating in Moorea Seal's "52 List Project". (Which you can find HERE.) The first week is to make a list of words that touch your soul. I didn't get 52 words, exactly, but it was still a fun and refreshing exercise.

 

And here is a bonus journal page, made on the first day of the new year. "Just try and stop me."

I am loving 2014 so far. I feel as if I have been injected with Quickbeam's personality. 

(Don't know who Quickbeam is? I wrote about him HERE.) 

I hope you are all manifesting the words that make you feel bright and vibrant.

 You make my life brighter and worth experiencing! Thank you!

2014: Become

I just finished Susannah Conway's "Unraveling 2014" (It's free, check it out HERE!) 

And it has brought up some very insightful things about 2013 and brought about some great inspirations for 2014.

Here's just a few little glimpses into the inner workings going on:

"What did you embrace in 2013?
What I am offering, what I have to give, what makes me healthy, what I deserve, my body, my true friends, my anxiety, my asexuality..."

"When did fear hold you back in 2013?
When I should have ended situations that weren't growing with me, when I was too afraid I couldn't do it so I just didn't act, that it's too hard, that I couldn't do it like they do..."

"What surprised you in 2013?"
How easily your plans and path and life can crumble all around you, how much power you can give to people and how they can hurt you, how much things flux and flow with complete indifference to how you feel about it, how much people can lie, my own buoyancy in a sea of chaos."

"How did your life change, what did you learn?'
The life path I was on crumpled around me and I emerged renewed. I realized my strength over my own being and life. I learned to respect my anxiety and the ways I heal myself. I grew confidence. I realized the benefits of engaging in my passions. I was forced to be creative, resourceful and independent."

"What stands out in 2013?"
The art, the poetry, the inside jokes, the gratitude, the concerts, the Deli, the Copa, the reuniting, the opening up, the trusting, the getting up again and dusting myself off, the music, the sculpting of myself, the warmth of friends, the comfort, the beauty I got to see with my own small eyes, the moments that took my breath away, car rides with my bro, great times with the amazing coworkers at the Hampton Inn, putting myself out there, taking a leap, things I have wanted for a very long time finally happening, meeting Neil Gaiman, karaoke parties, gin and tonics."

"Any last words about/to 2013?"
The Universe beat the crap out of me to show me myself. I must breathe and be thankful and let the bruises guide me."

"What are some words that describe how you want to live in 2014?
Become, engage, within, radical, act.

"Some goals:
create daily affirmation cards to sell, do more spoken word poetry, get art in a cafe/gallery, do something I've always wanted to..."

"List three things you are ready to let go of in 2014:
being timid, not acting, hiding any part of myself that I should proclaim proudly."

List three things you will do each morning to start your day in the right mindset:
stretch, meditate, free flow write"

"List three gifts you will give yourself this year:
tattoos, a new camera, many many massages"

"I will make more time for loved ones, art, poetry, mindfulness, growth, and the things that make me shine. I will pay more attention to my body and my inner voice. I will release attachments to needing approval, comfort, and making excuses. I will say yes to getting what I want, being assertive, self love, bouncing back, confidence, living out loud, feeling it all, outward expressions, my voice, my truths, my craft, my ideals, my human experience. "

My word for 2014 is "Become". To become the person I am in my mind, to live it outwardly, to become engaged in the communities that I am passionate about: art journaling, poetry, mindfulness, minimalism, peace activism, ect. To live my truths and ideals loudly with fire and spark, to do me as fully as I can, bursting forth, creating waves....

Here's a recent art journal pages that visually represents 2014:

What does 2014 mean to you?

 Just know that I adore you and want you to shine and be fully you! :D