Monday, March 12, 2012

The Human Experience

Something I wrote in my notebook. I think a lot about what I call "The Human Experience" and all it's wonders.

"All of these people look like they take their lives so seriously; their jobs, their relationships, their appearance, how they are perceived by others. I hope to never take myself so seriously. Actually, I make it a goal to not take my life so seriously. Why do we act like everything is peachy and sparkly? (Granted, at times, it certainly can be!) The human experience is dark and dirty, painful and yet unceasingly magical and brilliant. But the pain, the shadows, the sweat of the dark pits; that is part of the beauty, and it's worth acknowledging."

I don't want to take my relationships seriously. We are human, infinitely flawed. Why harbor deep anger when someone messes up? The anger hurts us more than it hurts them. Troubles are not the end of friendships, and laughter is always appropriate, even in the darkest of times. I don't want to take my appearance seriously. I am a mess eighty percent of the time. I am chubby (I like to call it soft, personally.), my teeth are not perfect, my skin is all kinds of weird; but why should I care?  I never want to take how people perceive me seriously. People could know me for 20 years and still only know the smallest part of me. Such an immense portion of human interaction is shallow, skin deep, the tip of the iceberg. Why should I care what others think of me when they don't even know me? I am weird, I screw up, I say the wrong things at the wrong time, I hurt people, I can be closed off, I am confusing, I am definitely confused. I feel dark and weird things, I am a mess, I am a wreck of passions, desires, love, hurt, pain, fears, magic, dreams, kindness, ignorance, intelligence, and so many feelings that I don't believe most of them have names.

And I don't take any of that too seriously. It's just me, my human experience. It ebbs and flows as I continue breathing. I don't hide it, I don't try to change it. I just be it, as freely as I can. I experience until I don't anymore. I think being serious and safe so we can reach death emotionally and mentally whole, in tact, never experiencing anything scary or damaging, is a great disservice to our human experience. I would much rather arrive at the end covered in mud, blood, and sweat, out of breath, emotionally torn to shreds, facing every imaginable fear face on, sword in hand. THAT is the human experience. It is real, raw, and terrifying. It's not houses, it's not stable income or stable emotions, it's not Hollywood, or Hollywood perfect romances. It's the fight, the grit, the dark, the abyss within us that we fear to enter because it houses the swirling chaos of human experience.

And it's beautiful, bright, and brilliant. And it's happening, right now. It's the swelling music, the caress of the wind, the salt of the sea, the howl of the wolf, the pang of lingering memories, the soaring feeling in a great kiss, the dark hours where our demons reside, the smile of our most beloved. We can hide from it, we can ignore it. But it is us and we are it. And that is worth acknowledging, accepting, appreciating, and admiring.

Welcome to the human experience. Are you afraid? You definitely should be. And then you should punch that fear in the face.