2014: Become

I just finished Susannah Conway's "Unraveling 2014" (It's free, check it out HERE!) 

And it has brought up some very insightful things about 2013 and brought about some great inspirations for 2014.

Here's just a few little glimpses into the inner workings going on:

"What did you embrace in 2013?
What I am offering, what I have to give, what makes me healthy, what I deserve, my body, my true friends, my anxiety, my asexuality..."

"When did fear hold you back in 2013?
When I should have ended situations that weren't growing with me, when I was too afraid I couldn't do it so I just didn't act, that it's too hard, that I couldn't do it like they do..."

"What surprised you in 2013?"
How easily your plans and path and life can crumble all around you, how much power you can give to people and how they can hurt you, how much things flux and flow with complete indifference to how you feel about it, how much people can lie, my own buoyancy in a sea of chaos."

"How did your life change, what did you learn?'
The life path I was on crumpled around me and I emerged renewed. I realized my strength over my own being and life. I learned to respect my anxiety and the ways I heal myself. I grew confidence. I realized the benefits of engaging in my passions. I was forced to be creative, resourceful and independent."

"What stands out in 2013?"
The art, the poetry, the inside jokes, the gratitude, the concerts, the Deli, the Copa, the reuniting, the opening up, the trusting, the getting up again and dusting myself off, the music, the sculpting of myself, the warmth of friends, the comfort, the beauty I got to see with my own small eyes, the moments that took my breath away, car rides with my bro, great times with the amazing coworkers at the Hampton Inn, putting myself out there, taking a leap, things I have wanted for a very long time finally happening, meeting Neil Gaiman, karaoke parties, gin and tonics."

"Any last words about/to 2013?"
The Universe beat the crap out of me to show me myself. I must breathe and be thankful and let the bruises guide me."

"What are some words that describe how you want to live in 2014?
Become, engage, within, radical, act.

"Some goals:
create daily affirmation cards to sell, do more spoken word poetry, get art in a cafe/gallery, do something I've always wanted to..."

"List three things you are ready to let go of in 2014:
being timid, not acting, hiding any part of myself that I should proclaim proudly."

List three things you will do each morning to start your day in the right mindset:
stretch, meditate, free flow write"

"List three gifts you will give yourself this year:
tattoos, a new camera, many many massages"

"I will make more time for loved ones, art, poetry, mindfulness, growth, and the things that make me shine. I will pay more attention to my body and my inner voice. I will release attachments to needing approval, comfort, and making excuses. I will say yes to getting what I want, being assertive, self love, bouncing back, confidence, living out loud, feeling it all, outward expressions, my voice, my truths, my craft, my ideals, my human experience. "

My word for 2014 is "Become". To become the person I am in my mind, to live it outwardly, to become engaged in the communities that I am passionate about: art journaling, poetry, mindfulness, minimalism, peace activism, ect. To live my truths and ideals loudly with fire and spark, to do me as fully as I can, bursting forth, creating waves....

Here's a recent art journal pages that visually represents 2014:

What does 2014 mean to you?

 Just know that I adore you and want you to shine and be fully you! :D

One Step Closer

Firstly, my i-pod is dead and I don't have a charger, so I have to take art photos with my very low quality phone camera. But here are two recent art journal pages.

 I really like the style of this last one. 

But now, for what I came to talk about. 

I was hiking about a week ago, and it was this very steep incline. I wasn't even prepared to go hiking, it was an impromptu decision. I was wearing jeans and ballet flats. Not at all optimal for hiking. and the way we were going up, there was no path. We were sidestepping cacti, trying to catch traction to not slide backward. But every time I looked up, I could see the top. And I wanted to be there. I wanted to be up on those rocks, looking out over the town, and surrounding cities too. I knew it would be worth it. And even though I felt so far away from the top, all I kept thinking was "Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Each step is step closer to your destination, to where you want to be."

And since then, I still keep thinking that to myself. Working full time at a physically exhausting job leaves little energy or time to push forward with my art, or with my studying to become a life coach. And I wonder if it will always be pushed aside, if it will ever take the forefront of my attention and focus and energy. Because it is my dream, it is where I want to be. But sometimes getting there seems so overwhelming and I feel so stuck in my current circumstances.

But I keep repeating to myself, "Just one step, each step brings you closer to where you want to be." Each painting, each art journal page, each doodle, even each blog post, or idea for videos or art concepts. They are steps, albeit small ones. But each time I practice art, or mindfulness, or compassion, or self healing; it is a step to where I want to be.

And yes, sometimes I wonder if I am walking in circles, or always taking one step forward and two steps back, and if I will be taking steps forever and never be where I want. But I keep gathering the strength to pick up on foot and move it slightly forward. Because moving is the point of it all. I could stand at a crossroads, and just build a house there, not moving any direction at all. Or I could pick a direction and move, and even if I end up going the wrong way for awhile, I am moving forward, I am learning and growing from the movement.

And if I take enough steps, one day, when I put one foot in the front of the other, that foot will land on my destination. It may look so far away, but each day I am moving my feet forward towards it.

And in the meantime, the movement brings me growth and healing and wisdom.

Keep walking, friends. It will be worth it.

-Robyn

Myself Again.

 Myself Again

I am battered.

Bruised.

Beaten.

Out of air. 

Fallen.

I feel weak,

exhausted,

lifeless

formless

floating ether nothingness. 

It's tiring. It's so terribly draining, I worry about closing my eyes.

What will I see when I open them again?

The blackness of the back of my eyelids sheds assurance. Needlessly. 

The fault of misdirection. 

And I just want you to hold me. 

Like damn. 

I am skin too, muscles too, fibers of energy worth existing too. 

Rosy movements etched against the universal skyline. 

And who has the energy to ever wonder why

I curse the way I do, I breathe the way I do. 

I'm just so. 

Just so delicately placed without restrictions

to invade my immediate surroundings

I will feel alive again. 

In regards to jumping ship

to swim myself again.

The sea of my own beautiful being

I will become.

(A poem, because it's all I can muster from myself. And it's been too long since I posted. I'm sorry it's all I have, but it's all I have. Thank you.)

Art Journal Update!

I have been racking my brain for a really detailed inspirational post, but to be honest, I am just exhausted from life and worries and keeping on. But I have been art journaling more. It seems I go through phases of making larger art pieces and not doing any art journaling or doing a lot of journaling but no big pieces. 

Here are my most recent pages! 

"It's getting hella weird."

 "Still Fighting"

 

 "Hotter Everyday"

"Integrity"

I think everyone should art journal! It's very therapeutic! 

I am taking it easy today, I am very sore from camping this weekend. 

I realized while I was camping that if I decided to live a camping life, the only thing I would really miss is music. I am soaking it all up now that I am back. Sick of Sarah's album 2205 and Lights' acoustic Siberia album are my two favorites right now.

I am missing my family back home an awful lot. Yesterday was my beautiful nephew's birthday! And everyone got together to celebrate and I was not there! :( Sad days! I love you all very much and can't wait to visit! (You can all come visit me too, you know! *wink*)

I hope you are all well and on paths that bring you joy!

Until next time

with love, 

Robyn 

The Yearning That Creates

"The creative process is the process of being connected." 

When we create, in any way, we are tapping into something deeper, a well of life energy that we can all tap into. It does not matter what you are creating, be it paintings, photos, sculptures, buildings, websites, books, families, gardens, communities, laughter. 

When you are creating something, you are accessing something brilliant, something beyond ourselves. Some may call it the source, or God, or Creator, or Mother Earth, or energy, or the Universe. 

Creating things is a positive act that connects us with all beings and with the brilliance of being. 

And it is something that we all desire, that connection. We all yearn for that energy, to feel whole and full and complete. To feel that we are a part of something, that we are not separate, that we are living and that it matters. 

We live in a society that is crying out for completion, to be whole, to feel a sincere wholeness of being. We are a society crying out for connection, for healing, for wholeness, for warmth and love. And that is why people are compelled to create. I don't believe it is inherently so that we can have art, or photos to share with our friends, or buildings to put people in. 

We want connection, we want to feel this energy that is beyond us, that doesn't come from us. We want to know that other people are surrounded by this same energy, that we are all tapping into this space of creating, that our existence yields beautiful things, and that makes it worth it. 

This yearning is deep and ancient. It cries out from ancient spirits, calling across galaxies and time and space and the walls we build up in our lives. 

So create. Connect. Let yourself slip into the well that is all of us, humans and life and experience and wholeness and wellness. Because when you create from this yearning, you create more positive energy into the world. That's more positive energy for someone to surround themselves in, for them to find the space to find healing and completeness. 

And on that note, here is some art as of late. 

I am in love with my art process right now. I am in love with the yearning that creates.

Summer Fashion! (or How Skin is Actually Pretty Amazing.)

This one is about skin, about how it's what we live in everyday. 

And about our bodies in general and how they do so much for us. 

But so many of us hate them, not because they won't do what we want or inhibit us in some way, but because of how they look! 

And can we please just realize how completely silly that is. It is completely backwards and unhealthy.

 I hear so often phrases like "They shouldn't wear that", often in reference to someone who is not model thin, especially when they are wearing someone as simple as a bathing suit, or bikini, or tight shorts or a small top. And when asked why, a typical response is "Because no one wants to see that!" 

Really? So this complete stranger should stop wearing what they feel comfortable and confident in because YOU don't want to see "that"? 

And what are we really talking about when we say "We don't want to see that!"? 

Let's talk about what you are actually seeing. You are seeing someone's skin, for the most part. 

Is skin gross to you? Really think about that. You have skin. You don't think that is gross, do you? Everyone has skin. It is necessary to human existence. It is vital. 

It is what the outside world sees of us. 

How on earth could you not want to see someone's skin? 

Would you prefer to see their insides? Their veins and bones and muscles? Is that more appealing to you? 

Another thing that could be referenced is their fat. And let's again talk about what we are actually "grossed out" about. Everyone has fat, or they should. Fat (in the right amounts) is healthy. I have to advise you to watch this video by Laci Green about body policing others. It is brilliant and honest.

And take a look at these paintings. 

Do the people in this paintings gross you out? My guess is probably not. 

Then why would these? 

(This last one is Pierce Brosnan's wife, by the way.)

 It's bodies. Human bodies. They are not "gross", they do not need to be hidden. 

They accomplish incredible things. They are all beautifully made and we should praise them and respect them instead of judging them and hiding them. 

They house our spirits, they are temples, and they should be treated as thus. 

They should be given healthy nutrients and should be active to keep their energy high and happy. 

We can adorned them in ways that outwardly express our inward selves. 

We can dye our hair any number of colors. We can wear wizard robes, skirts, blazers. 

We can become canvases and allow artist to paint all over us, we can put holes in our bodies. 

We can make the pigment of our skin darker.  We can do so much to adorn our bodies. 

We must love them, despite the media that plagues us from birth, that tells us we are not whole, that we have flaws, that we are not complete, that we are unsightly and need to be fixed. 

These are LIES. 

Lies constantly thrown at us in big and subtle ways by people that want our money. 

They do not truly care about how we feel about ourselves. They do not actually want us to feel good and happy with our bodies, because if we did, they could not make money. 

They do not have your best interest in mind. 

And you should never listen to anyone that does not have your best interest in mind. 

So, wear what you want. Do not change what makes you comfortable just because it makes someone else uncomfortable, because, really, their discomfort is completely unwarranted and baseless and illogical. 

Because if you asked them what bothered them so much about what you are wearing or not wearing, revealing or not revealing, and they really thought about it, I imagine they couldn't really put their finger on it or accurately and intelligently describe why it does bother them so much. 

"It just does." 

Like I said, their feelings are illogical. They just haven't realized it. 

They are carrying around messages from media and society and jumping to these thoughts and judgements without examining them for themselves, in depth, and seeing them for what they are, absolute bullshit.

 Love your skin, love your fat, love your body, love your temple, love your spirit, love yourself, and love everyone else's too. 

I think you are all beautiful. And I hope you think you are beautiful too. That is a sincere and deep hope. Please think you are beautiful.

On Harvesting Joy

Hey folks! I just wanted to write a little blog about harvesting joy.
There is a lot going on in life, things can be thrown at you pretty fast.
And I know for me, having an INFP personality, it can be easy to let things get me down, to feel overwhelmed.
That is why I have to actively do things that I know will bring me joy. I have to actively set out time to do things that replenish my well of joy and happiness and positive energy. And I thought I would share my method with all you lovely people and hopefully you all can harvest some joy for yourselves!

First, make a list of about five things that bring you joy. Don't think too hard about it, these things will probably come to mind petty fast! You can always have more or less things on your less than five, that's fine! Mine has six!

1) Nature
2) Music
3) Writing
4) Art
5) Connecting with people
6) Mindful breathing

Now, the thing is, all of these things bring me joy. But when I am not actively and mindfully participating in them, they can start to feel like chores that drain my energy! So, it is important to really be in the moment of these actions, not going through the motions or having your mind preoccupied with worries or negative thoughts!
Now you can take the list and elaborate on how activities based on your list can harvest joy for you!

1) Nature- Collect leaves, acorns, and flowers. Spend time with these objects; feel them, examine them, draw them, smell them. Really experience them; meditate with them. Use flowers to create inks to write with. Boil them all in water that you can carry in a vial to keep their energy with you, or create a refreshing and uplifting body mist spray.

2) Music- Create a playlist of songs that make you happy; positive energy songs, songs to dance to, or meditate to. Let it wash over you, feel it course through your veins. Focus on each part of the music; first the drums, then the guitar, then the voice, then the words. Draw or paint while you listen; don't think about what you are making, allow the music to come out through you onto the paper.

3) Writing: Make lists! Make lists of things you are grateful for, people who inspire you, and all the things you love about yourself. Do a flow of thought page and just write without planning, without inhibition. Write haikus about silly things, or simple things that you love.

4) Art: Finger paint! Finger paint with your eyes closed. Draw something that you are looking at without looking down at the paper. Draw something from memory, with your eyes closed. Feel the brush stroke, watch the lines appear on the canvas. Breathe deep and slowly. Do not rush.

5) Connecting with people: Write letters to friends that don't live nearby (or even if they do!). Make little gifts (bracelets, drawings, cookies, ect.) that you know will make someone's day, especially if they are going through a hard time. Get lunch or a drink with someone you haven't seen in awhile. If you are up to play host(ess), cook up something tasty, invite people over, and have a game night!

6) Mindful breathing: Meditate. Try mindful breathing while hanging upside down off your couch. Try mindful breathing while going for a walk. Try mindful breathing while cooking, or painting, or even in conversation with a friend.

So, those are my ideas of way to harvest joy for myself! When you intentionally do actions mindfully that bring you joy, you can store it up for when everyday life sneaks in, when hardships and stress and negative thinking want to take over. You will have a store of joy and peace waiting for you. Just don't get complacent! Don't go through the motions! Focus on the things you are passionate about and allow them to wash over you, allow them to sink into you. Focus on the experience, on the moment, on the harvesting of joy.

What things bring you the most joy and what do you do to harvest that joy in your life?! Please share in the comments!

The Growing Art of Letting Go (Or How It's Just Too Tiring to Keep Wallowing)

So, a while back, I wrote on my 750 words account about the pain I still felt at the lose of many old friends, due in part mostly to their indifference to whether we interacted or not. I reread what I had written and made a vast realization of what I had stuck my own self in.
I realized that I was indeed stuck in the mire and simply wallowing in it. Funny how we do that, eh?
I needed to take true affirmative action. I needed to lift myself out.
 I realized that this was serious business, I really could not keep going on like this. I was making myself sick.There was no way I was going to grow and heal going on like this.
People have really hurt me. And I was holding on so tightly to that hurt. I wanted them to feel it, to feel the burning I felt inside, but they were indifferent.
They were not going to change. They were not going to apologize.
And so I had to step up and do the forgiving myself. I had to heal myself. I had to really forgive them. I had to really let them go. I had to abandon any thoughts or hopes of changing them, of making them care.

True friends act like friends, they support you, they seek out your company. If someone really loves you, they act like it. You do not have to chase after them, begging them to acknowledge you. And that is a very important, almost essential thing to realize, and realize it early. Because you can spend years or even an entire lifetime trying so hard to be around people that do not care, that do not support you, that do not think about you when you are not around. And they do not deserve your time and energy and emotions. I am not saying they are terrible people, they are just not the people that you need in your life. They are not the people that are going to help you grow and heal and build yourself up.
So let them go, truly and fully. Write them letters, real and raw, deep and dirty, but also full of forgiveness. Really write out how they have hurt you and really write out why you are forgiving them and letting them go. And then burn those letters, and really watch these chains you've created burning, turning to ash, and dissolving into the wind.
And feel the freedom that brings. Breathe the air through lungs unburdened with the weight of sorrow. Take those very strong feelings of being unwanted, of being invisible, of being abandoned, of being unworthy, of being insignificant, and burn them.
Meditate on friendship, on what it looks like to you, on how it manifests in your life, and focus on creating that energy in your life, and true friendship will find it's way into your life. It may take time. It can take plenty of sifting through not so true friends, but the real ones will find you.
You will slowly create your life tribe. The people that you can call family, the people that will help you create the best you, but also love you through the times when you are the worst you. They exist, and believe me, they want you just as much as you want them.
Delete those old numbers that never respond, delete "friends" from Facebook that have no desire to interact or connect with you. Let them go. The negative energy of holding on to those that have hurt you, it does not affect them, no matter how much you want them to notice. But it affects you, severely, in a very damaging way. And you need to let it go for the sake of your safety, your health, your well-being, and your self-healing. Let go of the mire, of the feelings that are influenced by the actions of others. And pick up the mantras of self-love, of worth, of being loved, of acceptance, of meaning. Because you are the embodiment of all these things. You know you are. And by focusing on these energies, you will attract those that know you are as well. And you deserve them. Never doubt that.

The above advice has helped me significantly, in ways beyond words. They have allowed substantial healing to occur in my life and I am so thankful for that. It helped me and I am only sharing with the hope that if any of you every find yourself in a similar situation, that you may find peace and healing as well.

I love you all and am very thankful for your friendship, your positive energy, and your supportive words.
I thank you dearly for that.

Art Journal Update!

Just a quick post showing some of my art journal pages. I have been doing more art journaling lately, taking a break from bigger art pieces. Also there's some pictures of a walk in the park the other day!

Looking at those pages, it's a little hard to believe that I made them. 

I feel like I have grown so much in my art. 

I can tell  my art journaling is becoming more natural and intuitive. I used to plan the pages out and think too much about it. And now they are beginning to flow from me more naturally. 

I am working on some in-depth blog posts, one of which will be up next week! 

I hope you are all doing well and feeling well! 

You all inspire me! 

Sponge People (or Lots of Art and Self Love.)

I usually do not like going places alone. When I want to go out to eat, go shopping, or even get books at the library, I always invite someone so I don't have to go alone.

But today, I had a "Me Morning". I meditated, created an art journal page, took the bus to the library, walked from there to get lunch at this amazing deli cafe called The Earth. I kept my phone in my purse and didn't check it or use it to pass the time waiting for food or the bus. I read and I wrote and I listened to music. I just let myself hang out with myself. I let myself simply be with myself.

Lunch with myself. Me on the bus. 

I have what I like to call "The Sponge Syndrome". It's where I absorb everything around me, and thus, that is all that comes out of me. Actually, I have a feeling the majority of our society has just this same problem, perhaps without even realizing it.

I have fallen in love with Twitter. I follow the most inspirational people. They are constantly providing articles and blog posts about creativity, living your own voice, and just living a loud life full of hope and healing and art. And I eat it up! I savor it, revel in it! Because they really are great words of inspiration. But I can get to a point where I fill myself so full of everyone else's voices that when I open up my mouth to say something, nothing of my own self comes out. I have filled myself so full of everyone else that there is no room left for me!

So what do we do when we realize we are a sponge full of other peoples spring water?

I think who we are when no one is around is very important. I don't just mean around us physically, I mean around us on the internet too. Who are we when we aren't arguing about politics on Facebook, or retweeting art blog posts on Twitter, or singing in the car with our friends, or working hard on a passion project with others that share our vision? Because whether we mean to our not, in real life and especially on social media, we create a facade, a persona, the best version of our self that we don't mind everyone else seeing. 

But what voice speaks to us when we are alone, unplugged, and we empty out all the outside voices rattling around inside us? We have to strain our ears to hear our voice, search through the din to settle on the voice that we know deeply as our own. Each person's voice sounds different to them.

I equate my inner voice to wind-chimes, flowing water, and the occasional rainfall; sounds that bring me peace, clarity, and calm.

It is important to set time aside, to empty ourselves of the outside, to ring ourselves out, letting every drop of outside voices fall out of us. It is important to recognize the voice that is left; to befriend it, listen to it, get to know it; it's tone, it's resonance, it's crackle, it's vibrations.

Hear yourself, it brings healing and growth. Your voice matters.

These two art pieces were both done at times when I was letting my voice rise, when I was vulnerable, when I was truthful. To me, the voice radiates through the art, singing out a song of myself, a symphony wrought in paint strokes, scribbles, and my inner landscape.

A little process view of an art journal page. I call it "Moon Owl". It was during a meditation that an owl came to me, as if guiding me, and I felt strong and brave and safe. This is a simple page with no paper layers. It's just paint. I didn't really plan the layout or the final look, I just let things out and sculpted them on the page. Way more intuitive than usual.  

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This one is called "Overflowed". 

The blue and gray background was done in a wave of music and tears and emotion. It was a very cathartic experience.

The lady is a sort of self portrait. At first, it was just her head, and I was a bit unhappy with the final product. I then got the inspiration to use fabric to give her a body and shape. And that made it feel complete and extremely satisfying.  

Whew. I apologize that this post is quite lengthy. And I apologize that my art is so big in this post. It just felt right. (And also, blogger was being weird and not sizing things to my liking, but we will go with it feeling right.) 

I hope that you are all finding your voices and speaking with them in a way that allows truth, healing, and growth within you. Please comment and tell me, what does your inner voice sound like to you?!

Recipe for a Robyn (or How You Too Can Be A F*%^ing Anarchist Monk!)

So, this is just something that has been on my mind lately. I am a true Gemini, with two distinct sides to me, both equally powerful, useful, and each one inherently me. So, what makes up a Robyn?
Here's the recipe.

• Take 1/2 Dainty Anarchist
• 1/2 Bad-ass Monk
• Mix together with messy collage art, writing, and six tons of gratefulness
• Bake for 24 years

And you have a me!  Well, that is the simple version. But really, I do bounce back and forth between two distinct personalities. There is the anarchist, the revolutionary, the hardcore feminist, the balls to the wall bad ass chick that will fight the fires of Hell for freedom, for peace, and for truth. I love feeling like a bad ass. It's a good feeling! I like wearing ripped jeans and leather jackets and cussing like a sailor. I like sticking it to the man and breaking rules and giving the middle finger to social expectations put on class, gender roles, race, women's bodies, sexuality, and just about everything else they can get their fingers on. I'm a radical. I am here to shake up the established order. That is so engrained within me, I'm sure I do it in my sleep. Example:

 Just spreading some anarchy about town. 

(No, Mom and Dad, I don't make a habit out of graffiti-ing public trashcans.)

But that's not all there is to me. There is another very different side. The healer, the spiritual being, the "hippie", the meditater, the peace activist, the steady voice calling for calm, the advocate for nonviolence. I take barefoot meditation walks. I always try to be connected to nature, all other beings, and the Universe. I try to see suffering in the Universe and I work very hard to heal it. I like wearing flowers and feathers in my hair and trying to give positive energy to others through massage therapy. I believe in silence, in being here, in gratefulness and mindfulness. I believe in engaging others with compassion and peace. I believe nonviolence is the only way to truly win any war, whether a personal war or global war. And just like my other side, this part of me is so engrained within me, it comes as natural as breathing. Example:

Spreading peace and communing with nature.

And reconciling these two aspects can be confusing and hard at times. When most people hear the word "Anarchy", they think of punk music, molotov cocktails, and riots. It paints a picture of violence and hatred. But that is not the voice of anarchy that beats inside of me. I hear a voice of freedom, of compassion, of all beings living in peace. To me, being a monk and being an anarchist are the same thing.  I could not fight for anarchy if I was not a spiritual being, if I did not believe all beings to be connected. And I could not claim to be a spiritual being if I did not want freedom for all, I could not chant prayers in one breath and confess alliance to powers that oppress in the next breath.

And so, I have this dual nature. I am a cussing monk, causing trouble to society. I am the peaceful radical, bringing compassion to a system run on hate and greed and fear.

Humans are complicated creatures. No person can fit one role. We must find those voices within us. The ones that flow in our blood. We must claim allegiance to them and fight for them. And that is who we are, that is our meaning. And it may have two very different names, it may even have twenty different names. And that is okay, because within us, they all become one; one purpose, one heart beating, one being breathing.

What voices are calling out to you and how do you plan to align them with your life's journey?

What I Learned: My Week Offline

Let me tell you about my week offline! I learned a few things, some that surprised me. The first thing is that my body needs exercise! I didn't exercise for about four days and I felt terrible. My body got so sluggish. I need to treat my body like the temple that it is! 

The second thing I learned is that the internet and my artistic creativity do not seem to be directly in correlation to one another. I thought that giving up all that internet time would lend more time to create. But I have not done any art in the past week. Surprisingly, I have written more. An unexpected result to this experiment. 

 I also found that I did not miss Tumblr or Facebook as much as I thought I would. People would often say things like "Did you see this on facebook?" and I did not feel at all worried about missing out on something. I felt free from it actually. Free from all the keeping up that one does online, keeping up with friends' (often trivial) updates on Facebook, keeping up with Blogger, and every single picture posted on Tumblr. Not having to spend hours a day scrolling through things was definitely freeing. 

I did miss all the inspirational blogs from Twitter though. And I missed having Youtube videos to watch while I eat. 

It has also made me realize that I have so many memberships on so many blogs! I don't want or need such a large internet presence!  With my blog, Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, Tumblr, and countless others all over the web, I can feel stretched too thin at times!

So, I suppose the greatest thing I learned from my stint offline, is the freedom of letting go. Of letting go of these false obligations to be in the know, to follow everyone's minor whim and thought and action on Facebook, of being as cute and funny as my favorite Youtubers, of reblogging the right balance of nerd humor and artsy pictures, of reading all the blogs that pop up on twitter, of seeing every artwork posted on Deviantart. 

Because really, following people and subscribing, adds this sense of obligation. And if someone inspires you and you enjoy their work, then following can be a great way to stay in touch with what they are doing, but it can go over board when you are following many people across many social websites. It weighs down your internet browsing experience and time. To get through all the updates from those I am following all over the web, it usually takes about two hours. Usually more. 

But really, if I really am a fan of one's work and want to keep up with them, I would be able to do it without following their every move constantly. Because let's face it, if you are a true fan of someone, you will think of them outside of the internet, outside of your feed of them. And if they or their work is an out of sight/out of mind scenario, then you probably are not passionate enough about them to keep up the obligation of following them. If you are a true fan of a band, artist, life coach, any kind of person in general, you won't have to have a daily feed to keep your attention on them, you will seek out news about them, and that is how you will keep the gems and really focus on them. It's about quality over quantity. 

Anywhom those are just my thoughts and such on my week offline. It was bittersweet. I will probably be doing them again when I am feeling overwhelmed by the internets! I hope you are all doing well and swell and merry! Also, here is some art that I made before going offline! 

 This one is probably my favorite artwork of mine to date!

A Week of Unplug-ness

I just had five days off or work. I did not make as much art as I thought I would... 

I started a few pieces, which are now laying about, bored out of their unfinished minds. 

I believe I am in a bit of a creative rut here. And I don't blame the internet, although it can be distraction. 

I think I just need to unplug from everything and get back to my own life, to have room to find my own voice again. To find what inspires me in real life, without all the pictures and blogs and tweets of things that inspire me. 

I am still going to tweet my grateful tweet everyday, since that is a journey I set myself upon. 

But I will not browse twitter or be checking any other tweets from those I follow.

I am allowing myself to still use 750 words.com everyday since this is also a habit I am trying to form and am hoping it may become an e-book someday. So that is staying in.

So besides that, I will not be online. Nor will I use my computer for music listening or movie watching. 

My computer makes it way too easy for things to become mindless, I can read three blog posts real fast and not really take them in. I can play music in the background as I clean or create, instead of really listening to music. I can watch t.v. shows while I eat or pass the time instead of focusing on my food or spending the time creating. 

And so, a week of unplugging to find my creative fountain ounce again it is! I hope a week is enough time! I have a feeling it's going to be really hard. Technology has become such an extension of our own beings, that we don't even think about how we use and interact with them.

This week is just to test the waters. And if, in the future, I feel I must unplug again, I will know if I need more time! 

I hope you all are well. I hope you are playing in your creative fountains. If not, go find them and get to splashing around!

Letting Go

I have been thinking so hard and racking my brain for a good blog post, for something inspiring and full of light and joy. But the universe has other plans. Well, I do hope that this may inspire others, but firstly, it needs to inspire me. This past year has been very hard on me on a personal level. And it has been very hard for me to let the past go, to get up, dust myself off and keep moving forward. It seems that with the smallest provocation, the past will spring up and entangle me and send me asunder. It has been hard to move forward, to grow, to really reach my dreams and live my Human Experience fully because my focus keeps looking backward. I do try. But if feels like a losing battle. To wake up and create the life I desire, only to have the past creep in as the day carries on. It is exhausting. It's been over a year, I am ready to let go. I want to let go. I want to move on. I have been thinking a lot on why I keep getting caught up, what is stopping me? What is holding me back? I recognize that I have so many wounds wide open and that I will not be able to move forward without healing first. And I recognize that stumbling forward and trying to push the past away is not doing the trick. I am going to have to face it. I am going to have to settle in and really get into this business. I am going to have to really feel it, really let it be in me, really experience the loss, and then let it go. And really let it go, not just ignore it for a short time. It is definitely not going to happen over night, there is no easy fix. It is going to take time and a lot of energy and fight. But I have to do it. Or it's just going to settle into my bones and be there forever. Always in the back of my mind, always in the corner of my vision, always weighing me down, exhausting my energy. I have to get really serious about this healing. I have to admit, I am scared. I am uncomfortable with confrontation, I have strong case of social anxiety. But things need to be addressed, loose ends need to be tied, closure must be attended to.
Well, that is what is going on with me. That is what the universe keeps showing me, through so many mediums. It's time to start listening.
I am hoping a more uplifting and positive blog will come along soon! But I did not want to write something that was not authentic to my own life. I did not feel right posting something bubbly and joyful when that is not where I am at right now. I thank you all for sticking with me through this!

I do have pictures though! I went on an amazing hike with some friends and it was misty and mystical and I felt like Legolas, running across Middle Earth! (Sans the pointy ears and bow and arrow, unfortunately.)

 

Ah. So zen and poetic. I am so enchanted by the formations of nature. 

I hope you are all well, I hope you are all on the path to your best selves. I hope you are all healing and finding peace! I believe in you!

A new journey begins.

Hello there, folks! I am proud and very excited to announce a new project/journey I am about to begin! I am going to be tweeting something I am grateful for everyday! I had a twitter years ago and I found it to be boring and useless. It seemed to be a way to glimpse into celebrity's lives, something I was not at all interested in, so I deleted it. But I have been reading this extremely inspiring book titled "The Art of Non-Conformity" by Chris Guillebeau. Reading this book, I am coming up with more and more ideas for self-growth and how I can possibly help others at the same time. I realized that twitter could be used for good, if used in the right way. I hope to inspire people to look at their own lives and see all there is to be grateful for. I hope that I inspire people to slow down, sit down, breathe slowly, to really notice the breeze caressing their skin, to really notice the patterns of the clouds, to really notice the specks in their lover's eyes. I am hopeful that others will join in and begin tweeting things they are grateful for as well. I want to start a grateful revolution! I hope you all will join me, if you have a twitter! You can follow me at  https://twitter.com/gratefulgasping. And check out "The Art of Non-Conformity", it is very inspiring indeed!

And now, here is some recent art!

 

I made this lovely lady at the art walk my town has every month! I plan to use her in a bigger piece.

(My friend said that she terrified him. A comment that I am quite proud of, honestly.) 

Art Journal 3/1/13

Art Journal 3/5/13

A commission piece for a friend. 

I hope you all are well. I hope you are making your dreams come true. I hope you are always finding things to be grateful for! I am grateful for each and every person that reads this! Thank you!

Art and Wonderings and...

I am slightly down because I used to make these great posts about life and the truth of it all and good, uplifting stuff and nothing amazing has come to me lately. :( But I have art! Which is always nice. 

Here is some recent stuff! 

 

 

This last one my friend had me do in your "friend art" sketchbook when we were chilling at the river. 

That was a great day. 

Work is stressful. I haven't been dancing in far too long. I relish my days off, but I would relish them more if the weather was nicer! 

I've been listening to 90s alt rock like nobody's business! 

 I am still, somehow, losing weight! That makes me quite happy!

I hope you are all well and having great days and making art that makes you happy and listening to music that makes you feel deeply!

(>'v')> hugs!