the sounds of morning

i remember snapping long green beans in half

they grew in their own garden

i remember cautiously using the sewing machine

scared i would get my hand underneath the needle

barely pressing my foot on the peddle

we made pillows and stuffed dogs

i still have the cross eyed dog

i remember big jars filled with sea shells 

i would dump them out and sort them 

by size and color and type of shell

i remember cucumbers

also grown in the garden

sliced and put in containers of water, vinegar, onions, salt and pepper

i remember homemade play dough. 

i would eat it

it was very salty

 i remember the best no bake cookies ever

i remember sitting on her lap

as she read me Snow White

she would lick her finger before slowly turning each page

 the book is on my altar now 

she used to say that i was always such an artist

but i don't remember it

she had the magic super nintendo touch

when a game messed up, it only worked when she blew into the cartridge 

like magic

 she closed her eyes when she laughed 

i never saw her angry 

i remember sleeping over, on the couch

and waking up to the sounds of her shuffling about

making coffee, starting breakfast, talking quietly with grandpa

i would lay there for awhile, awake, letting the senses sink in

the smells of homey foods, of old fabrics and old books

 the sound of comfort

the shuffles of quietly starting a new day

 the sounds of morning

 

i got fired yesterday

I'm not even upset. 

Mostly relieved. 

But blind-sighted. 

They made some absurd accusations. 

I don't think they even believed them. 

I think they just wanted an excuse. 

Because the accusations were that absurd. 

I don't think they even expected me to believe that they believed them.  

But let them have their narrative. 

I love the hospitality industry. 

I have worked at hotels for about five years collectively. 

I love the work. 

And I used to love this particular location. 

But about four months ago, management changed. 

A lot of people that made the job enjoyable left. 

And after giving a lot to this job,

and being told subtly that I was in consideration for a management position, 

then being told that the job wasn't being opened up,

to then seeing an ad for the position on Craigslist.

It was no longer a place I gave myself to. 

It was a place I showed up, did the work, and got paid. 

The connection was severed. 

I was doing the bare minimum.

I admit it. 

So. 

I'm not upset. 

I'm upset at the accusations that are blatant lies. 

But I'm doing okay right now. 

The past few months have been a whirlwind. 

They have been heavy, and busy, and fulfilling, and exhausting. 

I will write about it all another time. 

I am going to do an October challenge. 

I'm making one up. 

Probably focusing on digital art. 

I have a drawing pad that needs dusting off. 

I'm grateful for a lot right now. 

I'm lonely too. 

The good and the bad in life aren't felt at separate times. 

It's all happening at the same time. 

 I'm happy to feel it. 

[I'm a teacher in 21 Secrets Color Color Color! 

There will be a giveaway on my instagram soon. 

It's @yaelaedart. 

You can also purchase 21 Secrets through my affiliate link 

(that means I get a percentage) here: 

www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?ii=1502783&cl=134923&c=ib&aff=315670 ]

I'll be around. 

There's more to say. 

My youtube is changing. 

More on that another time. 

Thanks for being around. 

 

without spectacle

I've written several blog posts about how I haven't written a blog post in a long time. 

They all got deleted. 

I don't really want to write about how I didn't write for a long time. 

I don't really want to drag through explanations and excuses. 

It's irrelevant. 

I thought maybe it was the due process in order to start again. 

But I don't want fanfare. 

I am without spectacle. 

I just want to post again. 

So I am. 

They may be different from my past writings. 

But so am I. 

I like who I am. 

I want to like writing again. 

So without further pageantry or to do. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

summer days in the mountains. 

the cool crystal rushing of the creek. 

 

 

 

kinship.

(I just want to record things. Set them down in digital stone. I couldn't get the pictures to format anything close to correctly or nicely. But I don't care. 

And I feel free.)