Monday, June 27, 2016

without spectacle

I've written several blog posts about how I haven't written a blog post in a long time. 
They all got deleted. 

I don't really want to write about how I didn't write for a long time. 
I don't really want to drag through explanations and excuses. 

It's irrelevant. 
I thought maybe it was the due process in order to start again. 
But I don't want fanfare. 
I am without spectacle. 

I just want to post again. 
So I am. 

They may be different from my past writings. 
But so am I. 
I like who I am. 
I want to like writing again. 

So without further pageantry or to do. 

summer days in the mountains. 

the cool crystal rushing of the creek. 



(I just want to record things. Set them down in digital stone. I couldn't get the pictures to format anything close to correctly or nicely. But I don't care. 
And I feel free.)

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Dreams Arising

Dreams are arising for me. 
They are coming up strong, forces to be reckoned with. 

I feel empowered, commanding. 
Calling them home like lost children.

They are awakening.
They are thundering.

I'm the conduit.
I'm the friction.
I'm the electrified air frizzling.
I'm the strike.
The blinding white hot bolt.
I'm the smoldering.
The aftershock.

I'm not taking my life lightly anymore. 
I'm experiencing fiercely.

I may be mindful, brewing.
But my meaning is in movement. 

But also jumping in, full force.
Safety free.
 Burning chaos.
Madness in the methods.
Creating, forming. 

These experiences will form my reality.
My spirit.
My chemical make up.

I immerse in fear.
Fear of judgement.
Fear of failure. 
Fear of looking foolish.
Fear of what loved ones will think.
Fear of not being supported. 
A fear of becoming the force of energy I feel is forming and arising.
A fear of changing so much that I won't be able to relate to loved ones the same way I do now.
A fear that loved ones won't like my emerging ideals, my lifestyle, my energy, my focusing. 
A fear they won't share with me, celebrate with me, appreciate with me, vision with me, expand with me. 

I burn through fear. 
Vapor alchemy.

I arise.
yaelaed abides.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

27 Things for 27 Years

Hiya folks! 
I turned 27 yesterday! 
It was a pleasant and delightful day. 
I ate breakfast at my favorite restaurant, went to an art gallery and art museum, made art in a book store, and watched X-Files with my Bandit. Lovely times. 

I thought I would share 27 randoms things; 
facts about me, things I've learned, things I like, and so on. 

1) I have two tattoos and I want so many more!

2) Despite most people's preferences, I really like being blonde. 
3) I hate the smell of freshly cut grass. It's overwhelming and suffocating. I feel like I can't breathe when I am around it. 
4) I have the world's tiniest attention span. 

5) I'm getting more introverted with age. 

6) Sincerity is vital. 
7) Put more heart into things. 
8) I've noticed that all my favorite characters/peoples are always the pure of heart, loyal ones; Samwise Gamgee, Luna Lovegood, Hannah Hart, Rory Williams, Kimmy Schmidt, ect. 

9) Face toner is a great thing. 

10) There's so much I want to experience!!!

11) There will never be enough time for all the books. 

12) I'm getting better at letting things go and wanting less. 

13) I will never not like floral prints. 

14) I still don't know how to adult. 

17) Don't take yourselves, or anything, or life so seriously. It's a big experience experiment. Being stressed, working numbing jobs, and not being your true self is a waste of the abundance of resources and energy we have in this life.

18) Bands I'm blaring the most right now: Envy on the Coast, Squid the Whale, I the Mighty, and Tilian. 

19) I've never regretted that I stopped shaving five years ago. 

20) I'm getting weirder with age. 

21) My desire is growing to be surrounded by those whom are passionate dreamers, hard working, sincere, positive, and lift others up. 

22) My intolerance for people who aren't is growing at a very rapid rate.

23) I feel blessed for my life everyday. I live a pretty charmed life. 

24) Glitter solves more problems than people think. 

25) You have successes, you have failures. But YOU are not a success or a failure.

26) Humans are mind bendingly and infinitely complex. 

27) It's easy to view life as a story that we are the main character of. It's easy to make everyone else the side character, or even worse, the background furniture. Please take note of those surrounding you, of those you pass in the street; they have their own story. We are all just walking stories, evolving with each step. We are writing the plot with each breath. And existence itself is the main character.


Thursday, May 21, 2015

-yaelaed (growth and coffee)

start in the middle and go in swirls
overwhelming digital memories
RAM is such a beautiful collection of sounds. 

I've been light on time but heavy on wealth. 
gray skies stop being poetic after a week
but I let the yearning quiet

presence presents itself
dear god, do i need to move more
i don't like social or media

 i like books and drawing and painting and listening to music
and i cant find any good new music
my earbuds prick
roses don't make sounds
but i bet they sound like chainsaws

gemini souls unite like sailor scouts
i want those green boots
i find it so precious to be called monsters daily

my mouth only wants edamame
my eyes; the growth of green
the cream of coffee
the soft ears
the windchimes i never buy

my songs are silent

and why is dirt a derogatory term?


Saturday, May 2, 2015

Celebrations and Hopes

Hey beautiful flim flams.
Life has been filled with transitions and celebrations as of late. 
First, I put in my two weeks notice at the retirement community I worked at, which was a huge decision and felt quit scary and momentous.
Then I finally got a new job at Best Western. 
Oh, and my artwork was published in Dawn DeVries Sokol's book, A World of Artist Journal Pages!

 And I finished my first e-book for IGNITE which was a mad rush that I finished at 4 a.m. and I'm so proud of it and the two paintings I made for it. 
And I had my last day at my old job and the first day at my new job. 
And the weather hasn't been cold and I've gotten some good free food at the food bank, so I feel pretty light lately. 

And I've been using the app Diana to create some double exposure pictures and I am in love with the results and this app! 

I hope you are all well. Stay weird. Get weirder. 
Be blessed.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

A quick update: I'm in a book!

Hi lovely folks and pandas!
Yesterday "A World of Artist Journal Pages" by Dawn DeVries Sokol came out! 
And I'm in it!
Two of my art journal pages from 2013 were selected. 
My art has never been published before so I am quite elated! 
This morning, my panda and I went to Barnes and Noble and they had one copy that I cuddled with for a good while!

This book is filled with so many amazing artists and their beautiful pages.
I'm definitely going to be looking up these other artists! 

Hope everyone else out there is having a pleasant day. 

be well

Thursday, April 9, 2015

-yaelaed (how heavy things become)

How heavy things can become when we are carrying them on our backs and they gain weight so slowly, we don't even notice it and then one day we find ourselves crying from the pain of the heaviness we carry around. 

And I just want to put ebooks on my phone.
And find new music that alights me. 
And for it to be summer time.

I am taking a leap and hoping the Universe has my back and is rising up to catch me. 

Everyone should read more Vonnegut and Lovecraft.
Comic books are a thing now. 

I don't like reminiscing as much as I used to, so that feels empowering. 
I feel more in power of my control over color and shape and creating. 
And breathing. 

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is my spirit animal.

I post too much on instagram and save nothing special for the blog. 
Except these: 
Panda and I went to the library art gallery and there were these paintings under a microscope! 
So stellar!

This is a recent art journal page, around the theme of creative process.

This is some kind of tapioca cake thing.....It was glittery....

Another art journal page around the theme of intuition:

and I felt cute on my day off. 

And now we embark, even if our adventures are begging for opportunity and our courage is making us poor. 
Still we rise up to meet our destiny with honor, valor, and pureness of heart.

Be well, all.