Saturday, October 15, 2016

the sounds of morning

i remember snapping long green beans in half
they grew in their own garden

i remember cautiously using the sewing machine
scared i would get my hand underneath the needle
barely pressing my foot on the peddle

we made pillows and stuffed dogs
i still have the cross eyed dog

i remember big jars filled with sea shells 
i would dump them out and sort them 
by size and color and type of shell

i remember cucumbers
also grown in the garden
sliced and put in containers of water, vinegar, onions, salt and pepper

i remember homemade play dough. 
i would eat it
it was very salty

 i remember the best no bake cookies ever

i remember sitting on her lap
as she read me Snow White
she would lick her finger before slowly turning each page
 the book is on my altar now 

she used to say that i was always such an artist
but i don't remember it

she had the magic super nintendo touch
when a game messed up, it only worked when she blew into the cartridge 
like magic

 she closed her eyes when she laughed 

i never saw her angry 

i remember sleeping over, on the couch
and waking up to the sounds of her shuffling about
making coffee, starting breakfast, talking quietly with grandpa

i would lay there for awhile, awake, letting the senses sink in
the smells of homey foods, of old fabrics and old books
 the sound of comfort
the shuffles of quietly starting a new day
 the sounds of morning


Friday, September 30, 2016

i got fired yesterday

I'm not even upset. 
Mostly relieved. 
But blind-sighted. 

They made some absurd accusations. 
I don't think they even believed them. 
I think they just wanted an excuse. 
Because the accusations were that absurd. 
I don't think they even expected me to believe that they believed them.  

But let them have their narrative. 

I love the hospitality industry. 
I have worked at hotels for about five years collectively. 
I love the work. 
And I used to love this particular location. 
But about four months ago, management changed. 
A lot of people that made the job enjoyable left. 

And after giving a lot to this job,
and being told subtly that I was in consideration for a management position, 
then being told that the job wasn't being opened up,
to then seeing an ad for the position on Craigslist.

It was no longer a place I gave myself to. 
It was a place I showed up, did the work, and got paid. 
The connection was severed. 
I was doing the bare minimum.
I admit it. 

I'm not upset. 
I'm upset at the accusations that are blatant lies. 
But I'm doing okay right now. 

The past few months have been a whirlwind. 
They have been heavy, and busy, and fulfilling, and exhausting. 
I will write about it all another time. 

I am going to do an October challenge. 
I'm making one up. 
Probably focusing on digital art. 
I have a drawing pad that needs dusting off. 

I'm grateful for a lot right now. 
I'm lonely too. 

The good and the bad in life aren't felt at separate times. 
It's all happening at the same time. 
 I'm happy to feel it. 

[I'm a teacher in 21 Secrets Color Color Color! 
There will be a giveaway on my instagram soon. 
It's @yaelaedart. 
You can also purchase 21 Secrets through my affiliate link 
(that means I get a percentage) here: 

I'll be around. 
There's more to say. 
My youtube is changing. 
More on that another time. 
Thanks for being around. 


Monday, June 27, 2016

without spectacle

I've written several blog posts about how I haven't written a blog post in a long time. 
They all got deleted. 

I don't really want to write about how I didn't write for a long time. 
I don't really want to drag through explanations and excuses. 

It's irrelevant. 
I thought maybe it was the due process in order to start again. 
But I don't want fanfare. 
I am without spectacle. 

I just want to post again. 
So I am. 

They may be different from my past writings. 
But so am I. 
I like who I am. 
I want to like writing again. 

So without further pageantry or to do. 

summer days in the mountains. 

the cool crystal rushing of the creek. 



(I just want to record things. Set them down in digital stone. I couldn't get the pictures to format anything close to correctly or nicely. But I don't care. 
And I feel free.)

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Dreams Arising

Dreams are arising for me. 
They are coming up strong, forces to be reckoned with. 

I feel empowered, commanding. 
Calling them home like lost children.

They are awakening.
They are thundering.

I'm the conduit.
I'm the friction.
I'm the electrified air frizzling.
I'm the strike.
The blinding white hot bolt.
I'm the smoldering.
The aftershock.

I'm not taking my life lightly anymore. 
I'm experiencing fiercely.

I may be mindful, brewing.
But my meaning is in movement. 

But also jumping in, full force.
Safety free.
 Burning chaos.
Madness in the methods.
Creating, forming. 

These experiences will form my reality.
My spirit.
My chemical make up.

I immerse in fear.
Fear of judgement.
Fear of failure. 
Fear of looking foolish.
Fear of what loved ones will think.
Fear of not being supported. 
A fear of becoming the force of energy I feel is forming and arising.
A fear of changing so much that I won't be able to relate to loved ones the same way I do now.
A fear that loved ones won't like my emerging ideals, my lifestyle, my energy, my focusing. 
A fear they won't share with me, celebrate with me, appreciate with me, vision with me, expand with me. 

I burn through fear. 
Vapor alchemy.

I arise.
yaelaed abides.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

27 Things for 27 Years

Hiya folks! 
I turned 27 yesterday! 
It was a pleasant and delightful day. 
I ate breakfast at my favorite restaurant, went to an art gallery and art museum, made art in a book store, and watched X-Files with my Bandit. Lovely times. 

I thought I would share 27 randoms things; 
facts about me, things I've learned, things I like, and so on. 

1) I have two tattoos and I want so many more!

2) Despite most people's preferences, I really like being blonde. 
3) I hate the smell of freshly cut grass. It's overwhelming and suffocating. I feel like I can't breathe when I am around it. 
4) I have the world's tiniest attention span. 

5) I'm getting more introverted with age. 

6) Sincerity is vital. 
7) Put more heart into things. 
8) I've noticed that all my favorite characters/peoples are always the pure of heart, loyal ones; Samwise Gamgee, Luna Lovegood, Hannah Hart, Rory Williams, Kimmy Schmidt, ect. 

9) Face toner is a great thing. 

10) There's so much I want to experience!!!

11) There will never be enough time for all the books. 

12) I'm getting better at letting things go and wanting less. 

13) I will never not like floral prints. 

14) I still don't know how to adult. 

17) Don't take yourselves, or anything, or life so seriously. It's a big experience experiment. Being stressed, working numbing jobs, and not being your true self is a waste of the abundance of resources and energy we have in this life.

18) Bands I'm blaring the most right now: Envy on the Coast, Squid the Whale, I the Mighty, and Tilian. 

19) I've never regretted that I stopped shaving five years ago. 

20) I'm getting weirder with age. 

21) My desire is growing to be surrounded by those whom are passionate dreamers, hard working, sincere, positive, and lift others up. 

22) My intolerance for people who aren't is growing at a very rapid rate.

23) I feel blessed for my life everyday. I live a pretty charmed life. 

24) Glitter solves more problems than people think. 

25) You have successes, you have failures. But YOU are not a success or a failure.

26) Humans are mind bendingly and infinitely complex. 

27) It's easy to view life as a story that we are the main character of. It's easy to make everyone else the side character, or even worse, the background furniture. Please take note of those surrounding you, of those you pass in the street; they have their own story. We are all just walking stories, evolving with each step. We are writing the plot with each breath. And existence itself is the main character.


Thursday, May 21, 2015

-yaelaed (growth and coffee)

start in the middle and go in swirls
overwhelming digital memories
RAM is such a beautiful collection of sounds. 

I've been light on time but heavy on wealth. 
gray skies stop being poetic after a week
but I let the yearning quiet

presence presents itself
dear god, do i need to move more
i don't like social or media

 i like books and drawing and painting and listening to music
and i cant find any good new music
my earbuds prick
roses don't make sounds
but i bet they sound like chainsaws

gemini souls unite like sailor scouts
i want those green boots
i find it so precious to be called monsters daily

my mouth only wants edamame
my eyes; the growth of green
the cream of coffee
the soft ears
the windchimes i never buy

my songs are silent

and why is dirt a derogatory term?


Saturday, May 2, 2015

Celebrations and Hopes

Hey beautiful flim flams.
Life has been filled with transitions and celebrations as of late. 
First, I put in my two weeks notice at the retirement community I worked at, which was a huge decision and felt quit scary and momentous.
Then I finally got a new job at Best Western. 
Oh, and my artwork was published in Dawn DeVries Sokol's book, A World of Artist Journal Pages!

 And I finished my first e-book for IGNITE which was a mad rush that I finished at 4 a.m. and I'm so proud of it and the two paintings I made for it. 
And I had my last day at my old job and the first day at my new job. 
And the weather hasn't been cold and I've gotten some good free food at the food bank, so I feel pretty light lately. 

And I've been using the app Diana to create some double exposure pictures and I am in love with the results and this app! 

I hope you are all well. Stay weird. Get weirder. 
Be blessed.