Lately, I feel confused and defiant. And confused.
I know what I want to believe. I know what I want to feel.
But with so many beliefs in the world, is it right to just accept what you want and ignore everything else? Isn't that kind of like creating your own deity?
But as it stands, what I am being told is truth doesn't seem right to me.
So, I must either accept that it is truth and not care, accept that it is truth and not follow it, denounce it as false and believe what I believe to be right, or denounce it and denounce everything that is connected to it.
Thus, mass confusion ensues.
I have been praying for clarification and guidance and peace. But it just seems like a huge cycle of confusion and uncertainty. Maybe it's not even that big of an issue and I am blowing it way out proportion and making it impossible for me to wrap my own head around. I tend to do that.
I got my septum pierced. It hurt. My nose is still all swollen on the inside. But I like it. The piercing, not the swelling. Might put a picture in the next blog. I really like dreadlocks lately, if I could, I would get them. But I found lots of pretty dreadlock pictures on deviantart, a wondrous site!
Also, lately, I have been trying new things and I definitely feel like it is making me more confident in myself. I have been taking ukulele lessons and some aspects definitely take me out of my comfort zone and require me to do things I would not normally do. It's been an extremely fun and challenging experience. I've realized that that is what I really need, to challenge myself. When I don't, I feel lost and useless and sluggish. But I found this really neat ukulele on deviantart as well.
I also went to Zumba once and I definitely want to go again. Things that allow me to have fun, be active, and meet new people all at once are great! I am excited to keep going! I also just really love dancing! Haha. And after getting to know a certain photographer on deviantart a little bit better, I definitely feel inspired to follow photography as a hobby and might try using my friends as artistic models soon, even if I have a crappy point and shoot camera at the moment. Deviantart just makes me so inspired in general! Haha, it's a great sight! Oh, and some songs that inspire me recently are "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" by The Animals, "So Far From Your Weapon" by The Dead Weather, "I Just Haven't Met You Yet"by Michael Buble, and "Funeral" by Band of Horses. Sorry this was so long, I hope the one person that reads this has lots of time! Haha! God Bless!
As for your statement about God, story. of. my. life. Some things within our portrayal of Christianity seem so so wrong to me. So wrong. I look at the world around me and sometimes the bible doesn't match it. I feel like whenever I want to have an open dialogue with someone well versed in biblical knowledge I am almost told to simply accept it all with no questions. I'll never forget a sermon I heard about the Native Americans and how we were doing them a favor bringing them God. I literally shuddered at that idea. One amazing thing college has told me though, is that there is so much information out there. So many different beliefs and inputs about God. All I know is that there is a God who loves me and forgives me. This is innate within my soul. The rest is trivial, I think, but not useless.
ReplyDeleteRoooobyn! Have you seen the girl on American Idol who has dreads? I like hers because she left some layers around her face loose, so it really softens up her face. It looks a little less grungy and more feminine. As for the God thing I agree with you and Jill. I think that the side notes of our religion are super confusing and will probably never really be cleared up. These are the topics that have really been debated for hundreds of years. As long as you have the basics, and it sounds like you do, then I think exploring the rest of our spirituality should be so stressful. Don't worry about who you agree with or what people think about your opinions. Just have fun with it. Learning about God should be a treat. I mean am I right? Who said questioning the details should mean questioning our faiths? Nobody cool. That's who.
ReplyDeletei don't know you but i know these thoughts well.
ReplyDeletethey used to almost plague me, until someone i'd call wise told me-
three things exist,
God, the soul and truth.
it was our work to find where these things are, how they relate to us.
that the lord that resonates in your inner heart, should be your religion. everything else is semantics.
anyway,
i pray you salaams in shanti/
yusa