As I settle into the new year, I feel a shifting.
I have been sick since New Year's Eve.
10 days. And counting.
Today I felt the best I have in days.
But there's still a deep cough in my chest. My abs hurt from coughing.
I'm sweaty all the time. and out of it.
and my neck and shoulders and upper back are constantly aching.
And I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I've done everything I can. I've taken medicine, I've drowned my system in teas and water, I've rested sooo much.
And for some reason, since I've been sick, I can't drink coffee or soda (and definitely no alcohol!) or eat anything too terrible for me.
It feels awful in my throat and makes my body feel instantly heavy and sickly.
Which is good. and something that may stick, honestly.
But while I'm doing all I can with the sickness, and it isn't shaken yet;
there are plenty of other things I'm sick and tired of that I can control right now.
And so I feel a shift.
And a releasing.
and a heaviness lifting off my weary shoulders.
2016 was a rough year.
beautiful in many ways.
and I'm ready for fresh perspectives.
ready to rally.
to grow without apologizing.
and so I've been letting a lot of things go.
I've been unsubscribing from many things, from mailing lists, blog subscriptions, instagrams, twitters, and so on and so on.
Because it's okay to do that.
There are many artist that I've been following since I fell in love with art making some 6 years ago.
And while they guided me and inspired me and helped me to come alive in art, some of their messages just don't resonate with me anymore.
And that's okay!
Their messages are still brilliant.
And I still appreciate them deeply for what their words and e-mails and artworks did for me.
But there's only so much time and energy one can devote.
and I need more time and energy to devote to being bad ass and making my life brilliant.
so I wanted to tell you, that it's okay.
Just because someone follows you, doesn't mean you have to follow them.
Just because you started following someone a year ago, doesn't mean you have to keep following them if they no longer spark you.
you are under no obligation to keep facebook friends you never talk to, or have your inbox flooded with messages that once saved you, but now seem like ideas you've outgrown.
listen, I don't read a lot of coming of age fiction these days because I'm not coming of age.
Coming of age stories were powerful to me when I was 13.
but at 28, they lack the same connection and realness that made my life feel sharper.
the same applies here.
I've grown deeply and expanded greatly along my artistic journey.
I'm not where I want to be but I'm a lot farther than I was.
and I'm thankful.
I'm so damn thankful for these artists and their words and their works and for sharing so that little bright eyed and scared me could see and be inspired and feel less alone and have courage to make something and share it.
I wouldn't be where I am today without them.
And that's important.
and so is space.
clearing the old to allow space to be filled with new words and new artists and new connections and new growths and explorations.
It's not rude, it's not shameful, it's not ungrateful.
in fact, letting go and stepping forward to your next artistic expansion is how we honor those that guide us.
allow this of yourself.
just test it out.
go through your friends list, delete five people you don't really know, will never really talk to.
unfollow blogs that aren't of interest to you anymore, maybe save posts that really lit you up, but after that, let go.
you will feel lighter.
(i have so much more to say about letting go, because it applies to so many things in life. I am going to write another post soon, maybe two. we shall see.)
to yourself and others.