Monday, March 25, 2013

Letting Go

I have been thinking so hard and racking my brain for a good blog post, for something inspiring and full of light and joy. But the universe has other plans. Well, I do hope that this may inspire others, but firstly, it needs to inspire me. This past year has been very hard on me on a personal level. And it has been very hard for me to let the past go, to get up, dust myself off and keep moving forward. It seems that with the smallest provocation, the past will spring up and entangle me and send me asunder. It has been hard to move forward, to grow, to really reach my dreams and live my Human Experience fully because my focus keeps looking backward. I do try. But if feels like a losing battle. To wake up and create the life I desire, only to have the past creep in as the day carries on. It is exhausting. It's been over a year, I am ready to let go. I want to let go. I want to move on. I have been thinking a lot on why I keep getting caught up, what is stopping me? What is holding me back? I recognize that I have so many wounds wide open and that I will not be able to move forward without healing first. And I recognize that stumbling forward and trying to push the past away is not doing the trick. I am going to have to face it. I am going to have to settle in and really get into this business. I am going to have to really feel it, really let it be in me, really experience the loss, and then let it go. And really let it go, not just ignore it for a short time. It is definitely not going to happen over night, there is no easy fix. It is going to take time and a lot of energy and fight. But I have to do it. Or it's just going to settle into my bones and be there forever. Always in the back of my mind, always in the corner of my vision, always weighing me down, exhausting my energy. I have to get really serious about this healing. I have to admit, I am scared. I am uncomfortable with confrontation, I have strong case of social anxiety. But things need to be addressed, loose ends need to be tied, closure must be attended to.
Well, that is what is going on with me. That is what the universe keeps showing me, through so many mediums. It's time to start listening.
I am hoping a more uplifting and positive blog will come along soon! But I did not want to write something that was not authentic to my own life. I did not feel right posting something bubbly and joyful when that is not where I am at right now. I thank you all for sticking with me through this!

I do have pictures though! I went on an amazing hike with some friends and it was misty and mystical and I felt like Legolas, running across Middle Earth! (Sans the pointy ears and bow and arrow, unfortunately.)

Ah. So zen and poetic. I am so enchanted by the formations of nature. 
I hope you are all well, I hope you are all on the path to your best selves. I hope you are all healing and finding peace! I believe in you!

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